What actually Happened

"I once dreamed of running a marathon. I thought it would give me this feeling of “Wow, Crystal, you’re this amazing athlete and everyone’s going to be inspired by you.


BUT HERE’S WHAT ACTUALLY AND UNEXPECTEDLY HAPPENED: I defeated my fear of myself. I have been crippled and bed-ridden with self-doubt, low self-esteem, “not-good-enough” qualities, and the idea that I just am flat out not good enough for this world and would do the everyone a favor not being here.

One thing I especially self-loathed was my desire to quit when things got tough. I did it constantly with bulimia recovery, running, school, work, being a girlfriend/friend/etc... you name it!

The marathon was the day that I had to find out when was I going to be a quitter, or if I would endure. I signed up to test myself to see if I could actually do it. This marathon did not give me that big “oh look at me” that I thought it would (okay, yes it definitely has its outward appearances especially with social media). But seriously, it gave me the transformation of self love, acceptance, and belief in myself that I have been without for YEARS. I cried not because I can finally say I’m crazy enough to run a marathon, but to tell myself that I am capable, worthy, and have a hell of a lot more fight than I led myself to believe all these years.

So I dare ANYONE to chase a marathon and not have it change your friggin life.

(Side note: I’m sharing this not because I need some number of likes to feel like I’m validated... the marathon gave me that. I simply want others who relate to know that there is a way out of the darkness. Whatever path you take (a marathon or not), you can find it.)"

Susan Sidoriak