The Irrational Dreamer


When I was 17, I stood at the starting line of the 1989 All League Track Meet for a 1600M race. I was seeded 12 out of 12. My exact thoughts while waiting for the gun to go off were…, "What if I win this thing?” I was expected to come in last place and had nothing to lose. That naive determination put me in a unique place, and my mind took over my body. I was light on my feet and visualized crossing the tape. I wish I could tell you I won, but it turns out, I finished in 5th place with a PR. It never felt so good. Today that 17-year old dreamer wiggled her way back into my thoughts during my run in Taper Week.

I lost some training a few weeks back due to a hamstring injury, so I’m coming into my marathon just a touch under-trained. In the past few weeks I’ve taken my dreams of trying to BQ off the table and have settled for a PB come Sunday. After all, the last attempt to BQ put me face down in the crowd of spectators at mile 19 in that awful heat of October 2017. Why would I want to do that again?

The courage to fail found me again today. I had to get out of my own way. Turns out that irrational dreamer may just show up to the starting line after all.

I don’t know what the outcome will be, but God, it hurts to think, what if I didn’t try?

Oh, and one more thing. Those old sweatshirts that we throw to the side at the start of the race? Mine will be the race day shirt from that hot marathon back in October. May it land on the back of someone with dreams as big as this Hanson Runner. #njmarathon

Susan Sidoriak